‘Boyfriend is insecure about childhood friend’:How to handle a partner’s insecurity without losing yourself?

Question- “I am 23 years old. I am in a relationship. We have spent good time together, but for the past some time everything is not going well. The problem is that my partner feels very insecure about one of my childhood friends. He repeatedly tells me that I have to choose between him and my friend. This situation is very difficult for me. I neither want to lose my partner nor do I want to leave my childhood friend. How do I explain to him and how do I handle this situation?” Expert- Dr. Jaya Sukul, Clinical Psychologist, Noida has addressed this query. She says- “This is a common situation. Your question will help many people understand and handle their situation. Let’s now understand this and talk about its solution.” Question of Trust and Insecurity This is not just a question of choosing between friend and partner, but a question of trust and insecurity. If a partner says ‘choose between me or your friend’, it’s like an ultimatum. This can create ‘conflict’ (dual thoughts) in the mind. That’s why you’re finding it difficult to handle. What questions arise in the mind in this situation, see in the graphic- Is this insecurity or control? When a partner says ‘choose one’, it’s a sign of emotional control or deep fear. Such behavior is often seen in people who have a ‘fear of being abandoned’. Why is the partner behaving like this, see all possible reasons in the graphic- What are the signs of a healthy relationship? In a mature relationship, ‘we’ matters more than ‘I’. In this, both accept each other’s separate identity (personality). They don’t try to change each other, but understand them. While being together, they also value their own thoughts and preferences. Such a relationship is based on trust, equality and understanding. See the strong pillars of a healthy relationship in the graphic- When to understand that boundaries are being crossed? Controlling behaviour of a partner in the name of love should not be ignored. Some signs are clearly ‘red flags’.
What should you do? In this situation, it is most important to maintain balance and clarity. It is necessary to understand your partner’s insecurity, but in any relationship, the pressure to ‘choose between friendship and love’ is not considered healthy. It would be better if you talk openly and calmly. Reassure them, and also make it clear that your friendship is a part of your life. If your boyfriend is insecure, do this- Don’t Make These Compromises in a Relationship There are some compromises in a relationship. You can change your sleeping and waking time. You can change your hobbies, but these three things should not be compromised- Ask Yourself Questions Before Making Any Decision In such a situation, making an immediate decision by getting carried away by emotions is not right. It is important to pause and understand your needs, boundaries and the real state of the relationship. Asking yourself the right questions will make it clear what is right for you. Final Advice Every relationship has some compromises, but there is a difference between compromise and ‘surrender’. If someone is asking you to end a years-old friendship, then they want to control your personality. Conclusion Mutual understanding and ‘space’ are very important in a relationship. Assure your partner, but not at the cost of your dignity. Remember, a person who truly loves you will never put you in a situation where you have to choose between love and friendship.