‘My boyfriend is dating my own friend’:How to deal with double betrayal in such a situation?

“I am 20 years old. I was in a relationship with a boy in college for 6 months. I introduced him to one of my friends. The three of us would sometimes hang out together. After exams, I went home for 2 months during summer vacation. When I came back, both of them were not talking to me properly. Now I have found out that they are both dating each other. I am feeling very bad and I feel cheated. I am not able to understand how to handle this situation and how to deal with my emotions?” Expert: Dr. Jaya Sukul, Clinical Psychologist, Noida has addressed this query and given a detailed solution. She says- “The age of 20 is a phase of life when emotions are quite intense. You have mentioned that your boyfriend and friend together broke your heart. In psychology, this is called ‘Double Betrayal’. Right now this may feel like a tragedy to you, but believe me, 10 years from now this incident will seem completely normal. Let’s understand your entire situation and discuss its solution.” This is the age to explore the world The age of 20-25 is for exploring and gathering experiences. At this age, we begin to understand relationships, career, and ourselves. Relationships formed during this period are often based on emotions. Therefore, they are not very permanent. Instead of viewing this incident as a ‘tragedy’, it would be better to see it as a ‘life lesson’, because this very experience will help you make better decisions ahead. Right now, a whole lifetime and a sky full of better possibilities lies open before you. Don’t suppress your emotions Feeling sad, angry or crying after being betrayed is completely normal. You don’t need to tell yourself, “I shouldn’t be so upset.” Instead tell yourself- This is a new beginning Right now you may feel that everything is over, but the truth is different. A breakup is not an end, it is a new beginning. Understand it in the graphic- Every experience is a lesson When people are deceived in love, they often start looking for flaws within themselves. They search for reasons why they were betrayed. Whereas in reality, the flaw lies in the other person’s intentions. Such incidents should be taken as experiences. See in the graphic what you can learn from this incident- There are more skies ahead Think about this – a person who got into a relationship with your friend in just 2 months of your absence, was he ever serious about you? Probably not. So why regret losing something that was never yours in the first place. 20 years of age is just a small part of life, the entire film is still remaining. Instead of narrowing your vision, look ahead, the whole sky is still there. You will find many such genuine people, loyal friends and better relationships in the future, who will know how to value you. Don’t consider this one bitter experience as your entire life, rather see it as an opportunity for a new and better beginning. What to do? Moving out of emotionality, now you will have to become action-oriented. When you stay busy, it will help in overcoming this sorrow. Focus on Healing In the journey of overcoming this pain, some days you will feel very good and some days you will feel a lot of hurt. This is normal. Just stop repeatedly ‘checking’ and picking at that old wound. See the 5 steps of self-healing in the graphic- 5 Golden Rules to Deal with Double Betrayal 1. There is strength in silence Don’t call or message him to tell him how sad you are. Instead of expressing emotions in front of him, write them in a diary or share them with someone trustworthy. 2. Let go of the expectation of answers Don’t waste time asking him why he did this? The expectation of an explanation will keep you stuck in the same pain. Therefore, accept the truth and move forward. 3. Keep Faith in Yourself Don’t underestimate yourself because of two wrong people. Remember, you are still as good a person today. Just because someone broke your trust, don’t consider the whole world bad. Good people and true friends will still come into your life. 4. Maintain Dignity in College Whenever they appear in front of you, neither get angry nor cry. Just act as if they are strangers. Your confidence and your smile will prove that your happiness is not dependent on any person. 5. Don’t Blame Yourself Let go of thoughts like ‘why did I trust the wrong person’. Trusting was your goodness, not weakness. Forgive yourself and love yourself. You deserve a new and beautiful beginning. Final Advice At the age of 20, when your heart breaks, it feels as if the world has stopped, but the truth is that your story has just begun. You will find better people, better relationships and lots of happiness ahead.